Going Home

We’re going home.
After seven days in the hospital, today we’re going home.

If I arrived here with confusion and worry,
that first night in hospital held me awake with fear.

Looking at my daughter’s tiny and tired body…
Feeling how hast her heart was beating in her chest…
Scared me.

Not at first…
But when you’re still awake in the early hours of the night,
all kinds of thoughts and emotions come up.

In the darkness of the night we get to look into the hidden parts of ourselves.
The parts we don’t usually want to see.

And on this night…
I once again realised how afraid I am of loosing my children.

I knew… The rational part of me knew…
That she wasn’t in danger.
It wasn’t a life altering situation we were in.

But seeing her - so tender and small…
I came face to face with my deepest fear.
With every mother’s deepest fear.

And to sit with it… To feel it gripping my skin…
To notice it taking over my thoughts…
Felt excruciatingly difficult.

I knew they weren’t true.
Yes, the fear felt true in my body.
But those were my irrational thoughts making me feel this way.

I knew that. I’ve learned to notice that.
To accept that.

So I just sat with it all.
Felt it…
And took a step deeper into my fears.

I love how breathwork and EFT allows me to journey into the pain…
But only as much and as fast as I allow myself to go.
There is no pushing.
No forcing.

Just a tender release of the grip.
A slow untangling of the fear.

Until I’m back to feeling myself again.
Until I can peacefully fall asleep again.

And as I was closing my eyes to rest,
I kept thinking, how lucky I am to have this enormous love in my life.
How lucky I am to have my family… My friends and loved ones.
And how precious our time together is.

So I invite you to reach out to someone you love today.
Listen intently to the sound of their voice…
Soak in their laugh.

And savour the moment you have together.
It’s such a gift to have.

With love,
E.